Big Brother I Was Watching You

Just my thoughts...Rula LenskaFor me the best times in the house were when the
This was all so, so unfair for poor Rula. Many willPete and Michael show hit the road, late at night or
now probably remember her career for two things;early in the morning over coffee and cigarettes when
Rock Follies and this TV Folly. Rock Follies wasthe rest of the house was asleep. Funny funny
arguably the start of her career in the public eye andfunny.Who was it pleaded with George to go and
this TV Folly looks like being the end of it. Pray for aspeak with Rula because she was feeling so bad as a
cat-food commercial, Rula! In fairness, though what awoman? Pete.Who was it spoke up so volubly for
nightmare she must have found herself in - aBarrymore after being evicted, saying how much he
57-year-old, clearly past her physical best, findingneeded to be rehabbed back into this country? Pete.
herself in the company of a Mata Hari (Faria), a DaisyNot quite such the monster then, eh?Traci Bingham
Duke (Chantelle), Britain's Primo Slapper (Jodie) and,The delightful, the truly gorgeous Traci Bingham.
to cap it all, Baywatch Babe Traci! Most woman wellEvery man should have a Bingham of his own.
past a certain age would bridle at the thought ofstarting with me. The rest of you can get your own,
competing with any of them, poor Rula had to takethough, I want that one. See how she went straight
on the lot and she lost, in spades. I thought Georgeinto a series of classic brilliantly executed girlie poses
Galloway was right in his comments after she didfor the photographers as she left the house? An
that ludicrous striptease - she was, indeed, trying tooabsolute professional, a master of her craft. And how
hard. Who wouldn't have their confidence rocked?beautiful in her red devil costume! Cheap to run too,
The brave face she put on arguably wasn't the best(once you've bought the mansion), give her alcohol
one either. Go to bed with a countess, wake up withand she wanders around making small, happy sounds
a count. I choose my words very carefully here! Gee,all day (whether you want her too or not). Does the
I'd rather go to bed with Pete - at least he looks theguy she's engaged to realise he's marrying one of the
same in the mornings as he does last thing atClangers? "Oh my Gah-had, it's the Soup-Drag-gen..."I
night!Chantelle Houghtondon't think Traci understood the show, which goes a
A (not quite) singing version of Jade Goody.long way to explaining why she was so devastated
She is so very self-possessed, the producers mustby being nominated. Observe when she was talking
have been thrilled beyond belief by the way sheto Davina at the end, she said how hard she'd tried
stood up to Dennis Rodman. Enough is being writtento be a good housemate. I suspect she thought you
about her at the moment; I have no furtherhad to win by proving how pleasant you were to live
comment other than to observer she seems areal-lifewith and dutifully went out of her way to be just
version of Billie Piper's character Rose in the currentthat. I don't think she had to go far our of her way
Dr. Who.Dennis Rodmanat all, either, I think she really is that nice a person.
Everyone knew Pete Burns had a hard time decidingthat's why she was so upset at being nominated, she
what to wear for the day but what about poorthought she was doing something wrong on a
Dennis, eh? Let's (hypothetically) listen in...."Uhm it'spersonal level to the other housemates. Hence her
time to get up, what kind of look shall I wear today?shock and surprise. You get the feeling that to a
Little Lord Fauntleroy? Nope, did that the other day.certain extent, once you reach a certain level of
Geisha? No, Pete'll do that any minute" (and he did). "Istardom your life is run to a large extent by your
got it - lemme see now, just give the ol' tattoos aagent; Traci and Dennis both gave the impression
burnish....get them pointy studs all in...adjust thethat they simply went where they were signed to
baseball cap just so...and there it is - third circle of Hell!go and did their best when they were there.George
Yay, me, not that I give a shit..."Did anyone note thatGalloway
while Pete Burns got awful raggeddy when he ranWhat a clear-cut warning to us all of how politicians
short of booze and cigarettes, both Dennis Rodmanplan to use us. We seem to be no more than
and the adorable Traci Bingham got grouchy whenstepping stones to their own self-serving ends. How
the food got low? They being the two pro athletesdid he serve his constituency in the BB house? His
it wasn't at all surprising. I noticed Dennis complainingblustering complaints about censorship left me
that training without proper food wasn't too muchunimpressed.I noticed too that when there was the
fun. Probably the first time he's ever had to do it.Andfirst a major disagreement in the house - I believe
did you see how he balanced on the exercise ballover a misunderstanding about racism - George it
with one foot while he did push ups? Have you everwas who suggested that a round table discussion be
tried that? Do you know how HARD that is? And heheld which George, seemingly thoughtfully, offered to
made it look so simple! No wonder this guy is majorchair.Thus, it begins. How long before, in order that
league.Jodie MarshGeorge may the better to fulfil his post as arbiter of
Poor, poor Jodie. How sad and muddled she appearsthe house decisions, not be made to suffer the
to be. I gather, though, that there's a very upbeatdistractions of, say, hunger; shouldn't he be given a
enthusiastic and likeable girl in there somewhere. Shebigger share of the food than the others, so that his
seems to be gathering acolytes rather than makingthinking may be clearer and not distracted by
friendships, confusing fans with friends. I noted whenhunger? It's in the best interests of the group as a
Pete Burns and Michael Barrymore were trying to getwhole, after all; he's the decision maker.In the same
through to her late one night, Michael suggested tovein, we might conjecture, how long before George's
her that she try and envisage a certain scenario justsexual needs/desires must similarly be given priority
for the sake of argument. Oh no I couldn't agree toover the others, the women of the tribe, sorry,
that, says our Jodie, that would be immoral and Ihouse, should be encouraged to offer themselves
don't tell lies. Something similar seemed to befreely and regularly to George over and above the
happening when she was talking to Davina McCallothers. All in the best interests of the group, of
after her eviction, Davina gently suggesting that thecourse. Politicians, eh? They never close.Maggot
other housemates had been trying to act in Jodie'sMaggot, the common man - the voice of reason, as
best interests and Jodie went immediately off on ahe said. A straightforward decent guy. Good to see
complete tangent in her reply.I think myself thathe got over his initial reserve about Barrymore. Why
there's a great big rock sitting in the head of Jodiewas he concerned about his image, I wondered?
Marsh, never referred to, never to be admitted to.How genuine can he be if that's a concern?
What lies under it? Something that Jodie finds soSubsequently, though, he proved himself a steadying
terrifying that she visibly flees from considering theinfluence on the rest of the household.Faria Alam
rock's very existence.One suspects thatThe Big Brother experience must have been very
self-contemplation is not a regular pastime for Missdifficult for Faria. I thought she behaved throughout
Marsh. A shame, as rarely does one encounter a lightas I imagine she was brought up to be, dignified and
bulb that really, really does need to change.reserved. I never thought she was a slapper, or in
Poor, poor Jodie.(Sam) Prestonany way cheap, when her sex life got her in the
Just like Dennis Rodman, I had no idea who Prestonnews. Her business, I would have thought. I was
actually was. I gathered he was in a band called thesubsequently a bit disappointed to hear quite how
Ordinary Boys, and going from his appearance inpromptly she was hawking her BB story round Fleet
general, I'd have put them somewhere between theStreet but, I suppose, a girl has to be practical and
Jam and and number of ska bands, say, Thetopical if she's going to make money that way. For
Selector? Later in the show we were treated tome, the most interesting thing about Faria was her
some Ordinary Boys tunes and it looks as though Iapparent inability to express the emotions she was
wasn't too far off the money.claiming to feel. I put this down to her upbringing to
Apart from that, I knew nothing before about Leand there may be a lesson there for all of us.
Preston and I know little else now, other than thatImagine a girl bought up in strict circumstances in old
he seems to be a perfectly decent sort of geezerestablished traditions, then abruptly cast out of that
with, I rather imagine, considerable woman trouble onculture into a new and different one. She'll know how
his plate.to function emotionally in the old culture, her
All quite ordinary, in fact.Michael Barrymoreappropriate upbringing will have prepared her for that,
What a piece of work is this man! How infinite inbut in this new (by which I mean, 'Western') culture,
frailty, his new personna suggests, and I have noone where the world has moved on from the time
reason to believe anything other than that the facethat birthed the culture she was raised in, she
we saw was the real one. He seemed a perfectlystruggles to express emotions that she has no name
decent being, flawed, ragged round the edges, andfor. We're probably all a bit that way at times as the
while he and Pete Burns together both displayed anworld turns faster. Our childhood upbringing can less
ability to provoke gales of genuine laughter (fromand less prepare us for adulthood as effectively the
me) it's Barrymore who has the touch of geniustwo happen in different worlds. Poor Faria. I liked
about him, the air of one driven to perform yether.Big Brother grew up and found its feet here, this
denied his stage. I hope the UK does what Pete saidwas ground-breaking TV. It still seems the fashion in
it should and opens its arms to welcome Barrymorenewspapers that somehow, inexplicably, appear to
back. He's a tonic for the nation. We probably needconsider themselves and their readers above Big
him more than he needs us.Pete BurnsBrother viewers. It's only for the oiks is the subtext
Twisted embittered genius. Youngsters will probablyof the copy in pretty much all the
be too young to realise this but in the genre ofnationals.Synchronise watches, tv kids; only a matter
movies known as noir, in small, run-down and seedyof time before they change their tune and accept
clubs in the boonies of Anytown, USA, the kind athat here are observations made on life in the raw,
Private Dick would inevitably find their way to whenthat the spat between Dennis and Chantelle, the
they were looking for clues or following leads they'dspats between everybody and George, everybody
find the Heroine of the movie. She'd be seated, aloneand the confused unfortunate Jodie Marsh, weren't
at the bar, she'd have a cool drink that she hadn'tfar more riveting viewing than anything scriptwriters
paid for in a tall glass in front of her and she'd alwayscould have dreamed up. It's been an age in coming,
be smoking. Whatever happened, even if it happenedbut Big Brother seems to be coming of age."Big" Bill
right in front of her, her face would be frozen into aKruse probably watches far too much tv. Also, he
mask of disdained amusement. In other words, she'doperates Music & Movie Posters, Crystal & Glass and
look like Pete. Assuming that's what he had in mindSEO sites.
when he had his plastic done, he's got it dead right.