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Big Brother I Was Watching You

Just  my  thoughts...Rula  LenskaPete. Assuming that's what he had in mind
when he had his plastic done, he's got it
This was all so, so unfair for poor Rula.dead  right.
Many will now probably remember her career
for two things; Rock Follies and this TVFor me the best times in the house were when
Folly. Rock Follies was arguably the start ofthe Pete and Michael show hit the road, late
her career in the public eye and this TVat night or early in the morning over coffee
Folly looks like being the end of it. Prayand cigarettes when the rest of the house was
for a cat-food commercial, Rula! In fairness,asleep. Funny funny funny.Who was it pleaded
though what a nightmare she must have foundwith George to go and speak with Rula because
herself in - a 57-year-old, clearly past hershe was feeling so bad as a woman? Pete.Who
physical best, finding herself in the companywas it spoke up so volubly for Barrymore
of a Mata Hari (Faria), a Daisy Dukeafter being evicted, saying how much he
(Chantelle), Britain's Primo Slapper (Jodie)needed to be rehabbed back into this country?
and, to cap it all, Baywatch Babe Traci! MostPete. Not quite such the monster then,
woman well past a certain age would bridle ateh?Traci  Bingham
the thought of competing with any of them,
poor Rula had to take on the lot and sheThe delightful, the truly gorgeous Traci
lost, in spades. I thought George GallowayBingham. Every man should have a Bingham of
was right in his comments after she did thathis own. starting with me. The rest of you
ludicrous striptease - she was, indeed,can get your own, though, I want that one.
trying too hard. Who wouldn't have theirSee how she went straight into a series of
confidence rocked? The brave face she put onclassic brilliantly executed girlie poses for
arguably wasn't the best one either. Go tothe photographers as she left the house? An
bed with a countess, wake up with a count. Iabsolute professional, a master of her craft.
choose my words very carefully here! Gee, I'dAnd how beautiful in her red devil costume!
rather go to bed with Pete - at least heCheap to run too, (once you've bought the
looks the same in the mornings as he doesmansion), give her alcohol and she wanders
last  thing  at  night!Chantelle  Houghtonaround making small, happy sounds all day
(whether you want her too or not). Does the
A (not quite) singing version of Jade Goody.guy she's engaged to realise he's marrying
one of the Clangers? "Oh my Gah-had, it's the
She is so very self-possessed, the producersSoup-Drag-gen..."I don't think Traci
must have been thrilled beyond belief by theunderstood the show, which goes a long way to
way she stood up to Dennis Rodman. Enough isexplaining why she was so devastated by being
being written about her at the moment; I havenominated. Observe when she was talking to
no further comment other than to observer sheDavina at the end, she said how hard she'd
seems areal-life version of Billie Piper'stried to be a good housemate. I suspect she
character Rose in the current Dr. Who.Dennisthought you had to win by proving how
Rodmanpleasant you were to live with and dutifully
went out of her way to be just that. I don't
Everyone knew Pete Burns had a hard timethink she had to go far our of her way at
deciding what to wear for the day but whatall, either, I think she really is that nice
about poor Dennis, eh? Let's (hypothetically)a person. that's why she was so upset at
listen in...."Uhm it's time to get up, whatbeing nominated, she thought she was doing
kind of look shall I wear today? Little Lordsomething wrong on a personal level to the
Fauntleroy? Nope, did that the other day.other housemates. Hence her shock and
Geisha? No, Pete'll do that any minute" (andsurprise. You get the feeling that to a
he did). "I got it - lemme see now, just givecertain extent, once you reach a certain
the ol' tattoos a burnish....get them pointylevel of stardom your life is run to a large
studs all in...adjust the baseball cap justextent by your agent; Traci and Dennis both
so...and there it is - third circle of Hell!gave the impression that they simply went
Yay, me, not that I give a shit..."Did anyonewhere they were signed to go and did their
note that while Pete Burns got awful raggeddybest  when  they  were  there.George Galloway
when he ran short of booze and cigarettes,
both Dennis Rodman and the adorable TraciWhat a clear-cut warning to us all of how
Bingham got grouchy when the food got low?politicians plan to use us. We seem to be no
They being the two pro athletes it wasn't atmore than stepping stones to their own
all surprising. I noticed Dennis complainingself-serving ends. How did he serve his
that training without proper food wasn't tooconstituency in the BB house? His blustering
much fun. Probably the first time he's evercomplaints about censorship left me
had to do it.And did you see how he balancedunimpressed.I noticed too that when there was
on the exercise ball with one foot while hethe first a major disagreement in the house -
did push ups? Have you ever tried that? DoI believe over a misunderstanding about
you know how HARD that is? And he made itracism - George it was who suggested that a
look so simple! No wonder this guy is majorround table discussion be held which George,
league.Jodie  Marshseemingly thoughtfully, offered to
chair.Thus, it begins. How long before, in
Poor, poor Jodie. How sad and muddled sheorder that George may the better to fulfil
appears to be. I gather, though, that there'shis post as arbiter of the house decisions,
a very upbeat enthusiastic and likeable girlnot be made to suffer the distractions of,
in there somewhere. She seems to be gatheringsay, hunger; shouldn't he be given a bigger
acolytes rather than making friendships,share of the food than the others, so that
confusing fans with friends. I noted whenhis thinking may be clearer and not
Pete Burns and Michael Barrymore were tryingdistracted by hunger? It's in the best
to get through to her late one night, Michaelinterests of the group as a whole, after all;
suggested to her that she try and envisage ahe's the decision maker.In the same vein, we
certain scenario just for the sake ofmight conjecture, how long before George's
argument. Oh no I couldn't agree to that,sexual needs/desires must similarly be given
says our Jodie, that would be immoral and Ipriority over the others, the women of the
don't tell lies. Something similar seemed totribe, sorry, house, should be encouraged to
be happening when she was talking to Davinaoffer themselves freely and regularly to
McCall after her eviction, Davina gentlyGeorge over and above the others. All in the
suggesting that the other housemates had beenbest interests of the group, of course.
trying to act in Jodie's best interests andPoliticians,  eh?  They  never  close.Maggot
Jodie went immediately off on a complete
tangent in her reply.I think myself thatMaggot, the common man - the voice of
there's a great big rock sitting in the headreason, as he said. A straightforward decent
of Jodie Marsh, never referred to, never toguy. Good to see he got over his initial
be admitted to. What lies under it? Somethingreserve about Barrymore. Why was he concerned
that Jodie finds so terrifying that sheabout his image, I wondered? How genuine can
visibly flees from considering the rock'she be if that's a concern? Subsequently,
very existence.One suspects thatthough, he proved himself a steadying
self-contemplation is not a regular pastimeinfluence on the rest of the household.Faria
for Miss Marsh. A shame, as rarely does oneAlam
encounter a light bulb that really, really
does  need  to  change.The Big Brother experience must have been
very difficult for Faria. I thought she
Poor,  poor  Jodie.(Sam)  Prestonbehaved throughout as I imagine she was
brought up to be, dignified and reserved. I
Just like Dennis Rodman, I had no idea whonever thought she was a slapper, or in any
Preston actually was. I gathered he was in away cheap, when her sex life got her in the
band called the Ordinary Boys, and going fromnews. Her business, I would have thought. I
his appearance in general, I'd have put themwas subsequently a bit disappointed to hear
somewhere between the Jam and and number ofquite how promptly she was hawking her BB
ska bands, say, The Selector? Later in thestory round Fleet Street but, I suppose, a
show we were treated to some Ordinary Boysgirl has to be practical and topical if she's
tunes and it looks as though I wasn't too fargoing to make money that way. For me, the
off  the  money.most interesting thing about Faria was her
apparent inability to express the emotions
Apart from that, I knew nothing before aboutshe was claiming to feel. I put this down to
Le Preston and I know little else now, otherher upbringing to and there may be a lesson
than that he seems to be a perfectly decentthere for all of us. Imagine a girl bought up
sort of geezer with, I rather imagine,in strict circumstances in old established
considerable  woman  trouble  on  his plate.traditions, then abruptly cast out of that
culture into a new and different one. She'll
All quite ordinary, in fact.Michaelknow how to function emotionally in the old
Barrymoreculture, her appropriate upbringing will have
prepared her for that, but in this new (by
What a piece of work is this man! Howwhich I mean, 'Western') culture, one where
infinite in frailty, his new personnathe world has moved on from the time that
suggests, and I have no reason to believebirthed the culture she was raised in, she
anything other than that the face we saw wasstruggles to express emotions that she has no
the real one. He seemed a perfectly decentname for. We're probably all a bit that way
being, flawed, ragged round the edges, andat times as the world turns faster. Our
while he and Pete Burns together bothchildhood upbringing can less and less
displayed an ability to provoke gales ofprepare us for adulthood as effectively the
genuine laughter (from me) it's Barrymore whotwo happen in different worlds. Poor Faria. I
has the touch of genius about him, the air ofliked her.Big Brother grew up and found its
one driven to perform yet denied his stage. Ifeet here, this was ground-breaking TV. It
hope the UK does what Pete said it should andstill seems the fashion in newspapers that
opens its arms to welcome Barrymore back.somehow, inexplicably, appear to consider
He's a tonic for the nation. We probably needthemselves and their readers above Big
him  more  than  he  needs  us.Pete  BurnsBrother viewers. It's only for the oiks is
the subtext of the copy in pretty much all
Twisted embittered genius. Youngsters willthe nationals.Synchronise watches, tv kids;
probably be too young to realise this but inonly a matter of time before they change
the genre of movies known as noir, in small,their tune and accept that here are
run-down and seedy clubs in the boonies ofobservations made on life in the raw, that
Anytown, USA, the kind a Private Dick wouldthe spat between Dennis and Chantelle, the
inevitably find their way to when they werespats between everybody and George, everybody
looking for clues or following leads they'dand the confused unfortunate Jodie Marsh,
find the Heroine of the movie. She'd beweren't far more riveting viewing than
seated, alone at the bar, she'd have a coolanything scriptwriters could have dreamed up.
drink that she hadn't paid for in a tallIt's been an age in coming, but Big Brother
glass in front of her and she'd always beseems to be coming of age."Big" Bill Kruse
smoking. Whatever happened, even if itprobably watches far too much tv. Also, he
happened right in front of her, her faceoperates Music & Movie Posters, Crystal &
would be frozen into a mask of disdainedGlass and SEO sites.
amusement. In other words, she'd look like



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